Five Years of Becoming

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Returning to Abiquiu with New Eyes

Five years ago, I stood on the red earth of Abiquiu, New Mexico, without fully understanding why I felt called there. I only knew something in me was shifting — quietly, insistently — and the land seemed to recognize it before I did. The mesas, the silence, the wide‑open sky… they held a mirror to a part of me I had long ignored.

Back then, I was exhausted. Overextended. Moving through life in a way that looked successful on the outside but felt unsustainable on the inside.

Abiquiu was the first place where I finally exhaled. It was the first place where my body whispered, “Pay attention.”

I didn’t know it at the time, but that moment marked the beginning of a five‑year unraveling and rebuilding — a journey that would reshape my health, my work, my relationships, and my sense of purpose.

A Quiet Awakening in the Desert

In those early days, I was still living in survival mode. Caregiving, corporate pressure, and years of self‑neglect had taken a toll I could no longer ignore. My nervous system was frayed. My body was sending alarms. My spirit felt dimmed.

But Abiquiu offered something I hadn’t felt in a long time: spaciousness.

There, surrounded by ancient stillness, I began to hear myself again. Not the version of me shaped by responsibility or expectation — but the deeper, truer voice that had been waiting patiently beneath the noise.

That trip planted a seed. A seed of awareness. A seed of possibility.

I didn’t yet know what it would grow into, but I knew I was no longer willing to abandon myself.

Five Years of Healing, Learning, and Becoming

The years that followed were not linear. Healing rarely is. There were moments of clarity and moments of collapse. Breakthroughs and setbacks. Courage and fear. Letting go and beginning again.

But slowly, I rebuilt my life from the inside out. I learned to nourish my body with intention. I learned to listen to my nervous system instead of overriding it. I learned to honor my boundaries — not as walls, but as acts of devotion. I learned to create space for joy, rest, and connection. I learned that healing is not a destination but a relationship with myself. And perhaps most importantly, I learned that I am allowed to choose a life that sustains me.

This journey led me into integrative nutrition, somatic practices, ceremony, and the sacred work I now share with others. It led me to Walkin N Circles Ranch, to the horses, to community, to deeper purpose. It led me back to myself.

Revisiting Abiquiu with New Perspective

And now, five years later, I find myself back in Abiquiu — but everything feels different.

The land is the same, but I am not.

Where I once arrived depleted, I now arrive grounded. Where I once sought answers, I now bring wisdom. Where I once felt lost, I now feel anchored.

Returning here feels like closing a loop. A quiet acknowledgment of how far I’ve come. A reminder that healing is both cyclical and expansive.

Walking the same paths, I notice things I missed before — not because they weren’t there, but because I wasn’t yet able to see them. My body feels safer. My breath is deeper. My presence is fuller. I’m meeting this place with a new nervous system, a new heart, a new way of being.

Abiquiu is no longer the beginning of my awakening. It is now a reflection of it.

What This Return Means

Coming back after five years is teaching me something profound:

We don’t return to places to relive the past. We return to witness our growth.

This visit is a celebration — not of perfection, but of transformation. Not of arriving, but of continuing. Not of who I was, but of who I am becoming.

And as I stand once again on this sacred land, I feel gratitude for the woman I was five years ago — the one who listened to the whisper, who said yes to the journey, who took the first step even when she didn’t know where it would lead.

Because of her, I am here. Because of her, I am whole. Because of her, I can return with open eyes and an open heart.

Love and Light